I’ve been meaning to post about this for a few weeks, but, you know, life. Anyway...
A few years ago, I purchased a dark purple case for my cell phone. Ultimately, my wife just wasn’t a fan of me having it. I didn’t want it to be an issue, so I returned it. Admittedly, I was bummed out, but her biggest reason was not that she didn’t like me having a purple phone case, she was worried about what work or social circles would think. She was trying to avoid embarrassment on any side. I get it, she was being protective. Her concern was for me, and didn’t want any awkward situations or comments about it (my job is very male dominant). I let it go. After all, it was just a phone case.
Fast forward to Christmas 2020. When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I took a chance and sent her a link for a new cover/case for my tablet. It was purple. Yes, I was nervous when I sent it to her, and to be honest I thought she would just skip it. Guess what? I got my purple tablet cover!
Not only did I get my purple tablet cover, I got a purple coffee mug, and purple case for my earbuds. Whoa!! I was totally shocked. And super excited. One thing was still in the back of my mind.... what changed? I had to ask but was afraid. You see, I have a nasty habit of always assuming the worst, and letting it consume me. So, when I did ask, she very cooly said “I just don’t care anymore”. Hmm. Did she come around on this topic, or it was it borne out of frustration whereas she was just fed up so she gave in? I went back and forth in my mind. Surely she didn’t buy me these purple gifts if she wasn’t comfortable with me having them. I fought my anxiety, and remained as positive as I could. I didn’t get to ask for clarification until 2 weeks later.
As it turned out, my patience and reflection did well by me. I told my therapist (yes, I have one, and if you are on the fence - see one, IT HELPS) about it. She agreed I had to talk to ask my wife for clarification as to what she meant. I kept my mind open, and didn’t jump to any conclusions (not easy for me!). When I had the chance to ask her about it, I think she was impressed that I was able to see the comment in two different lights. Spoiler; she wasn't fed up, she had just thought about it on her own and changed her mind. The multiple purple gifts were her commitment to that. I was beaming on the inside.
So, what I’m trying to say, fellow under/cross dressers, just because your idea isn’t warmly received on day one, doesn’t mean it won’t be welcomed later in time. In many cases (no pun intended), you just sent out shockwaves. It’s important to give those shockwaves time to calm down. It’s taken you a long time to figure out who you are, and how you want to express it, you should expect the same from your partner as well. It isn’t easy, but it is also very worth it. I feel it’s also important to add that your partner may not change their mind on any topic, and that is OK as well. Your relationship is about love, communication, understanding, respect, and compromise.
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