Crossdressing is hard. It’s hard on so many levels. I question myself so frequently that I’ve stopped counting. My head bounces around like crazy... yes I love dressing, but then the other voice in my mind tell me that its wrong (some stupid archaic societal norms type of voice that does not belong in 2020, but I digress). But, I know this: I am not hurting anyone; I know that I enjoy what I see in the mirror; what I feel against my skin under my clothes is not wrong. SO why do I go back and forth so often? I am sure other CD do as well. There is excitement in selecting the days’ lingerie. There is excitement in putting it on, and looking in the mirror, fixing a twisted strap. I’m happy knowing what is under my clothes. It makes me smile, and has a crazy effect to immediately improve my mood. It is good.
Then, more often than I want, it happens. The other voice says “You’re a freak. You’re weird. You’re messed up. Why do you do this?” I hate that bleeping voice. Trust me, I am fighting that voice. I hate that it makes me feel instantly guilty for liking something so much.
But I also realize, I can’t stop this. I am a crossdresser. I have tried to stop dressing before. I have done the purging before. It never went well. No more. Now I vow to only toss away things that are worn out or just don’t fit me anymore. The only acceptable purge is men’s underwear, right? RIGHT.
I am working on my own self acceptance. My wife and I have been through lots of ups and downs. She is my foundation. She has even told me that she prefers me dressed, because she can see the difference in me. The crazy part of that? I know how long it took to get there, because I didn’t give her the man she thought she was getting to begin with. She could have left me. So many other things could have gone so differently. She deserves so much love and respect that I can not begin to use appropriate words to describe it. Am I lucky, hell yes I am. And I plan to work as hard as I possibly can to let her know just how lucky I am to have her love and support.
Yes, crossdressing is hard, but it is good too. To all crossdressers, continue to fight that voice. To all significant others, thank you.
- ud cd